Friends of the broken hearted

Everyone breaks up (everyone who dates that is). It’s just a part of life, and we all fawn over the devastated and let them sob on us and the like, but what we don’t talk about very often is the people behind the scenes and what they have to go through. I just went through a break up, actually I’d say I’m still going through it and I have many friends who are being an unbelievable web of support, I’d like to talk about what I’ve put them through in the last while and what I’ve heard others have had to go through. Within the first hour of the break up I had Anne come to my house bearing candy and treats and she sat with me and helped my drunk ass plant a herb garden for no apparent reason, She drove me to Coop to buy a chicken leg and some Chinese dumplings and then left me in the capable hands of the TV. My Roommate came home to me drunk and sobbing and covered in dirt from the garden and he didn’t even bat an eyelash, as far as I can remember (which is minimal) he asked as few questions as possible and gave me a wide girth of space. Within the first week I had 3 girlfriends rearrange plans so that I could have something to do and someone to talk to at all times. Anne emails me hourly. As a matter of fact today is the first day I haven’t heard from her before 9am since “the event”. What’s the deal Anne?? Think I’m all healed? GET IT TOGETHER WOMAN! I’m in pain over here! Speaking of which, I have been a rather demanding broken heat. Requiring laughter and friends and being quite dramatic (how out of character). I know that many people will spiral into a well of self loathing and inner pain, for me this means teenage angst returns and I feel like no one gets me and I walk around all misunderstood and dejected. Worst phase. Best phase is when I lose my mind completely and start dating someone immediately. I think this is the best! I’m not sad or mad, I’m on cloud 9! This person is great! And my friends are so lucky because they didn’t have to coach me through this, I’m so independent. What I don’t realize in my haze of infatuation is that my friends are stuck talking to and being nice to this complete idiot that I’ve attached myself to who is ridiculous enough to be my rebound. He probably picks his teeth and talks about himself nonstop, He might smell kind of funny and interrupt people when they aren’t talking about him. He probably talks too close to you and speaks in a baby voice or waves his pinky at me and I swoon for some godforsaken reason. I wear his jacket even when it’s not cold outside, we makeout at parties and don’t talk to anyone else. THEN, when I finally realize what I’ve gotten myself into I throw myself into a self loathing hate spiral and my friends have to pick me up from that. So, this time around I’m going to skip the insane rebound (if I can manage) and just dig my heals in. I’m in for a delightful summer of friends and fun and my vagina is on vacation! Thank you friends of the BH, I hope to be one of the best of you when I need to be.

Mile a minute

ok ok ok SO
I'm trying to cut a little sodium and fat out of my diet, so I go to the grocery and I have to spend ages looking at the backs of packages and reading all the ingredients, I HATE how something will say lean cuisine or something like that on it but really? not that good for you.
So when are you supposed to start eating healthy? I've never really been one of those "lose weight, watching my weight" kind of people, lucky metabolism draw I guess, but lately since I quit smoking I decided maybe a little lifestyle change is in order, problem is... I started working out and eating well when I wasn't working. Now I'm full time and I really don't see where I'm going to find the time to keep this all up.
Does anyone have suggestions for quick easy SODIUM FREE meals?
It's not TOO hard to find low fat stuff, but sodium free? gimme a break!
and working out!
oh man, I HATE hot yoga, I HATE it. don't stand there and tell me to "see what my emotional self's posture looks like today"!!!!
because she's going to jump out at you and punch the back of your head.
"every exercise can look graceful" !!!
eat me.
I leave hot yoga more stressed and angry than when I went. oh and I have an unlimited 6 month pass. well done me.
Also, part of growing up...
RSPs.
I have some from my old job, I had to move them because they were in something something and then blah blah, I don't understand.
SO
my question is, should I cash them out to pay off some of my debt? everyone's all like NO NO NO! taxes blah blah! don't omg do it!
but then I'm like, wouldn't it be better not to pay the interest on my debt and pay it off faster so that I can save up again? it makes sense to me?
maybe I'm not understanding this.
AND just so you know, since I started being healthy and all that? I've been grumpy and moody and I'm not even pregnant! what a waste of anger.
oh, and I don't think I'm very funny anymore, I'm pretty sure that's gone along with my sarcastic, single life, horribly patronizing way of looking at things.
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!?
quick, someone get me a beer and a cigarette and something to clog my arteries.
It's been a long week.

one for my homie

When is it ok to steal a guys pen that you don’t know and throw it in the garbage? When he has an annoying habit of clicking it non-stop. My friend Murray has a new guys sitting next to her at work, and apparently he likes his clicky pens. He clicks all day and he’s driving her a little insane. She just told me that she actually stole his pen and threw it in the garbage because it was driving her nuts. However, he was undaunted by her attempts and peace and arrogantly went and got a new clicky pen from the supply closet! How DARE he? My thoughts exactly. She says her next step is to steal all the clicky pens available in the supply closet and bring non-clicky pens to his desk. I mean that just makes sense, I know I don’t have the Kahunas to turn around and ask him politely to stop clicking.
Therefore I pose this question to you, my sporadic and devoted readers, are you a mouth breather? And if you are, who do you think it’s annoying right now? Also, stop it.

New Years reso. start lying

Ok so it’s been a while. I’m a failure as a constant blogger.

I have constant thoughts though!

Like today, Jenny and I are e-chatting, and we’re all like “so we both hurt ourselves snowboarding” should we lie and make up a great interesting story about how we got hurt? Or should we tell the truth for comedic relief?

Turns out her and I need to stop telling the truth.

SO,

I went snowboarding this weekend, I’m REALLY good at it, and I was totally carving down this double black diamond like it was nothing right? And I go to hit a sick jump and do a catt flip back 360 inverted double spike gnarly hip snoogle right? And out of NOWHERE this baby moose comes trotting right in my way! So I try to stop and swerve off the side which happens to be a massive cliff with a 35 foot drop off and ended up spraining my wrist and breaking my bindings. It’s cool though, no big.

A note from the Editor

Dear Mr. Smellsalot,
It has come to the attention of some of the staff in your general area that you are lacking in the personal hygiene department.
Although this matter is not highly relevant to your work ethic it becomes a concern as the day goes on as a matter of importance to those around you.
Going forward please make a conscious effort to wear deodorant in the work place as it effects the productivity of those around you.
Thank you for your attention to the matter,
Management.

Mediocre post

There’s such a thing as being a good winner and a bad winner, as well as a good loser and a bad loser.

I think I’m in the middle of both, I don’t sulk when I lose, I try and take it all in stride, I think you have to learn to be that way when you’re me, I’m mediocre at pretty much everything… I’m not usually the worst (except for lawn darts, don’t ever play lawn darts with me because even though you’ll win, I’ll probably end up throwing the dart backwards and somehow injuring you) I’m also not usually the best. I start out trying and then something clicks off in my brain, my competitive side has become listless and apathetic, where did you go competitive side??? You used to be so boiling hot and angry all the time! That’s what made me a bad loser and a bad winner though.

Now I’m neutral.

I’m always up for a game though, any game really. If you really want to see me lose challenge me to Wii, anything Wii, for some reason I just don’t get this new technology. What do you mean if I move the thing on the screen moves? How does that even happen? Maybe I just need more practice. I think I need to practice quietly in my basement away from the pressures and distractions of friends.

The only thing I get really into these days is hockey, for some reason when I root for my team it’s like a life or death situation, I feel so much pain and anguish when we lose. I feel so elated and fantastic when we win, and I say WE because it’s US, I’m playing too. I’m playing for pride and glory and smack talk. The feelings last for days whatever the outcome!

Which brings me to ponder, if I played hockey would I be more competitive? I think this winter season I should try it. I live in a community with no less than 6 outdoor rinks. Easily available to me at any time. I have no excuse, I must play, I must get better at stick handling (pun intended), must must must.

Hey, “must” is one of those words that if you say it over and over again it stops making sense. Kinda like milk. Go figure.

We’ll end it there, I think that’s more than enough thought for a Friday.

Happy Turkey Day!

So this year I’ve been left to fend for myself Turkey-wise, Mum went to Osoyoos to see the Salmon who are missing and Dad took off to Toronto to spend time with family… what am I? chopped liver?
Anyway, I’m being a touch dramatic, Brother, cousin and the G-units are still here. I get a full blown turkey dinner tomorrow, but I can’t be left out of what I’ve discovered to be the “orphans thanksgiving”. Cousin told me about it last year, it’s where young adults get together and celebrate thanksgiving together because their parents don’t live in the same city, however, in true Generation WHY style we are too LAZY to cook anything and clean it up. Answer? Swiss chalet.
Genius. Pure brilliance. And so, this year because I truly feel left out in the cold by my parents I’ve called up a friend who I know to love swiss chalet and we have plans on Sunday to hang out in our pajamas and watch movies, eat swiss chalet and most likely drink and eat pie. In a completely selfish sense I’m almost more excited about Sunday than I am about the turkey dinner! No cleaning, no forced awkward conversations with my G-units senile friends that don’t remember my name… instead I get alcohol, movies and pajamas.
Don’t get me wrong! I love my family more than anything else, but I also love my friends and my down time and my chicken. That’s right, dirty little secret, I’d take chicken over turkey anyday.