A Poem for Lilia

Rated R for language and content.
you have been warned;

Purple Kitten eating Unicorns
By Asha Stasiulis-Chen-See


Deep in the forest
Purple unicorns reside
They’re sick little fuckers
That eat kittens by the by

They’ll rip of that fur
And nom the meat from those bones
They’ll spit out the eyes
And mash the intestines with stones

These Purple Unicorns
No person should fear
For they only eat kittens
At humans they leer

So dread not dear reader
If it’s Unicorn attention you crave
They won’t harm your flesh
Just make you their sex slave.

Things that are coloured.

Oh colourful things how I love you!
You cheer up my world, when I’m feeling blue.
Highlighter, crayons, and post it notes too!
Without your brightness I don’t know what I’d do.

When the skies are a gloomy gray
And their sadness seeps into my heart to stay
I get a bag of skittles and I say without delay
“I love colours and skittles Hooray!”

So when you have the grumps,
You think you’re down in the dumps.
Take a look around at the colours you see
And you’re day will be brighter, just like me…umm mine, um my day. Is brighter.

A letter from the editor.

Dear office air conditioner,
It has come to my attention that you are indeed very good at your job, you are effective to the very nth degree. I am currently so cold that I cannot feel my hands. Well done.
If you don’t mind, would you please lay the FUCK off? I had hot soup for lunch. It’s 32 degrees outside. I shaved my legs this morning, you wouldn’t be able to tell that now…
Thank you,
Management

Everything's just Tickyboo!

What the heck does that even mean?
I’ve had this conversation a million times with a million different people, ok I’ve had it a million different times with probably about 6 different people. What DOES it mean?
I mean I know there are sayings out there that come from things that USED to happen. Like raining cats and dogs, it comes from when roofs were made of straw and cats and small creatures used to get up there and hide in the straw because it was warm, and then when it would rain really hard the straw would get slippery and the cats would fall off the roof. But what about the dog part? How do dogs get up there? And it’s not really in a dogs nature to cuddle up in some straw on a roof anyway. Is it?
What about that’s the cats pajamas? The bees knees? Bees don’t have knees you silly people!

Wednesday Worries...

Modern women… BAH!
Being modern is SO confusing these days. We’re supposed to be independent, we’re supposed to want careers and be driven and have personality and look good and rock out, party and have a sensitive side, we can want kids, or we can not want kids, it’s up to us now. We should work out, be skinny, but eat whatever we want. Wait what?
We want to be swept off our feet. “no girl wakes up thinking I hope I’m NOT swept off my feet today”. We want to be taken on dates, I’m so surprised at how many of my guy friends are shocked that my girls and I have probably been on 4 dates, all put together. Well boys, you don’t exactly take us on dates these days do you? It’s group hangouts, to a number exchange, to texting 20 questions, to e-stalking, whether it be facebook, google, myspace, we e-stalk each other, then we sext. Then after a drunken night with a big group we end up alone together for the first time. There’s not date after that, we’re too busy, you’re too busy, with work and sports, school, family, other friends. Our dates turn into Tuesday night tv and falling asleep on the couch at 9.
All this is just a sign of the times though. I think… everything’s changing around me, I want things to just fall into my lap, but it’s not going to happen, I’m part of a generation that expects everything to just happen, but it doesn’t. I need to grow some balls and go after what I want. It’s time to stop being afraid of what might happen because I know that I can handle whatever might happen. Or at least Mummy will help me…
In conclusion, this is just a bunch of thoughts that hit me this morning, all I really want is a bag of 5 cent candies when I have a bad day, a hug and kiss at least every 3 days, and to laugh, every day, at least once an hour when I’m not sleeping. Too much?

Memories and lessons

I remember in grade 10 when I was walking to school one day, early in my high school career. There were 2 girls walking behind me, I was wearing a brand new outfit that my Mum had bought me especially for school, it was a nice black skirt and grey cardigan and mary jane shoes, I had pretty socks on too, even though I was wearing black shoes, they were white socks, but I liked them. I now realize how silly I probably looked, but at the time I thought they were a nice touch. Very MJ. Well! The 2 girls behind me started making fun of me, really loudly and pointing and laughing at my outfit, it destroyed me, it totally broke my heart. From that point on I completely conformed, I only wore what other girls wore, I was a fashion victim to the nth degree. I refused to deviate from the strict conformity.
About a year ago I started wearing white socks with my black shoes again, because my feet get cold. My friends teased me again, but I found I didn’t care, and neither did they, they accepted my odd ways with love and found it endearing. That’s what real friends do, they make fun of you and then tell you they love you, and your white socks. Don’t ever underestimate the power of horrible fashion sense. With inner permission from 10th Grade Asha I will begin to wear side ponytails and tie dye again, because she deserves to shine, in every way possible.
Oh and those girls? The mean ones? I bet they’re fat and ugly now.
Ps. They were totally band geeks.

A little nothing really.

Just because I haven't written in a while I feel as though I need to say a little bit of something, the problem is I can't think of anything to say really.
There's a girl that sits near me who chews really loudly and I can hear her eating chips, I can actually tell what she's eating every time she eats, I can tell when it's a sandwich because of the squishy sound, I can tell when it's carrots because of the snap. I also get the pleasure of hearing her blow her nose and swear at her computer. oh GodLIZza, I owe you so much.
One day she was annoying me so much that I swept my hands all over my desk and knocked everything over just to make more noise than she was. It worked until she asked me if I was ok... then I felt bad.
She's actually very nice.
Another thought that goes through my head is; sometimes I wish I were a guy, because they can pee standing up and I think that's cool! (GodLizza "NOM NOM") I also think that having facial hair might be fun somethimes! Every now and then Murray and I stroke our invisible beards.
("CHOMP CHOMP")
Also, this weekend when Christine and Murray and I were in Canmore we went into the 2nd hand bookstore and found a book called "what are drugs?" it's a kids book, and it was really disturbing, it had a whole page dedicated to Cocaine. I should have bought it, I still regret not buying it. So if you're ever in Canmore's 2nd hand (CHOMP NOM) bookstore please go into the kids section and look for it. It's only $2.50, totally worth it.

CHOMP NOM CHOMP CRUNCH CHOMP... OMG.....