http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGHMw_67fOk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=012Bo_iihpI&feature=related
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Trampizzzoline
karmap0lice said...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! Fuck Ted! FUCK! WHY?!? Shit. That sucks. Tannahills?Also...Dear Ask Asha Blargh,I like coffee. What's your favorite drink?
Dear Karma,
yes. I am not pleased with Ted and his decision to ruin my life. However I do plan on buying a trampoline because I just can't live without it. In the mean time I guess we will have to go see the Tannahills. Blast them and their half naked cleaning habits!
Also,
I also like coffee, I had one and a half this morning. My favorite drink? well that's a toughy! I mean I like alcoholic beverages. Specifically the Patio Joe from Original Joes. But as far as virgins go... and believe me, I know virgins. I enjoy a good cherry juice box. They are hard to find, but worth the search.
love from
Asha
JenShithead said...
It may be for the better, that is the trampoline of death.
Dear Jen,
just because you can't jump up and down without somehow hurting yourself...
Also, the injury caused you to go the physio, in which you get handled by a ridiculously hot therapist, and so the trampoline actually helped you.
amirite?
Asha
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! Fuck Ted! FUCK! WHY?!? Shit. That sucks. Tannahills?Also...Dear Ask Asha Blargh,I like coffee. What's your favorite drink?
Dear Karma,
yes. I am not pleased with Ted and his decision to ruin my life. However I do plan on buying a trampoline because I just can't live without it. In the mean time I guess we will have to go see the Tannahills. Blast them and their half naked cleaning habits!
Also,
I also like coffee, I had one and a half this morning. My favorite drink? well that's a toughy! I mean I like alcoholic beverages. Specifically the Patio Joe from Original Joes. But as far as virgins go... and believe me, I know virgins. I enjoy a good cherry juice box. They are hard to find, but worth the search.
love from
Asha
JenShithead said...
It may be for the better, that is the trampoline of death.
Dear Jen,
just because you can't jump up and down without somehow hurting yourself...
Also, the injury caused you to go the physio, in which you get handled by a ridiculously hot therapist, and so the trampoline actually helped you.
amirite?
Asha
Tragedy Strikes my backyard.
Ted took his trampoline back. Now I have no trampoline and am forced to jog for exercize.
Stupid Ted.
Stupid Ted.
Monday, June 29, 2009
flaky, douchey, cheap, sensitive, wimpy, creepy, MIKE
What reaction from the Mike article....
Alright, please let me clarify. Every single one of my girlfriends has a Mike of their very own. That's why we had to separate with descriptive first names. so that Flike, Dike, Chike, Sike, Wike and Crike could all be decifered.
I know that you will all note that all the descriptive words are negative. This is because all of these Mikes have hurt us.
The reason we gave them names, and not all the other guys in our lives, is because we have a problem with letting Mike's go.
Don't deny it ladies. You all know you find it hard. I do.
So, the Mike comes, he hurts, you push him away, he weasels back, you let him in, he hurts, you freak, he weasels back. lather, rinse, repeat.
responses;
Michael,
Jichael, (J=whatever you wish)... I realize you feel the need to stand up for Mike's of the world. I assure you right now though, that you really don't. They will continue to "burn" (figuratively or otherwise) women forever. It is their God given right.
Asha
Dear Karma,
I could write an entire post on your question, however that may seen slightly egotistical. I will therefore do this in jot note form
- I have hair
- I have a dog named Molly who weighs 2 pounds - literally
- My Mom took me for lunch today
- I found a nerf crossbow
- I'm currently not wearing shoes
- I still find farting funny
- I use jot notes.
Asha
Dear Nate,
I think what you're really asking me here is if I will go on a date with James Franco, and the answer is yes. Yes I will. He has wanted me for a very long time. I'm glad he's finally acting on his feelings through you.
Also, I will be happy to say straight up what I think for you. Send me your problems. I will solve them!
Tact is old news.
Asha
Jen,
Thank you for clarifying.
Asha
- Asha
AshaAshaAshaAsha
Alright, please let me clarify. Every single one of my girlfriends has a Mike of their very own. That's why we had to separate with descriptive first names. so that Flike, Dike, Chike, Sike, Wike and Crike could all be decifered.
I know that you will all note that all the descriptive words are negative. This is because all of these Mikes have hurt us.
The reason we gave them names, and not all the other guys in our lives, is because we have a problem with letting Mike's go.
Don't deny it ladies. You all know you find it hard. I do.
So, the Mike comes, he hurts, you push him away, he weasels back, you let him in, he hurts, you freak, he weasels back. lather, rinse, repeat.
responses;
Michael,
Jichael, (J=whatever you wish)... I realize you feel the need to stand up for Mike's of the world. I assure you right now though, that you really don't. They will continue to "burn" (figuratively or otherwise) women forever. It is their God given right.
Asha
Dear Karma,
I could write an entire post on your question, however that may seen slightly egotistical. I will therefore do this in jot note form
- I have hair
- I have a dog named Molly who weighs 2 pounds - literally
- My Mom took me for lunch today
- I found a nerf crossbow
- I'm currently not wearing shoes
- I still find farting funny
- I use jot notes.
Asha
Dear Nate,
I think what you're really asking me here is if I will go on a date with James Franco, and the answer is yes. Yes I will. He has wanted me for a very long time. I'm glad he's finally acting on his feelings through you.
Also, I will be happy to say straight up what I think for you. Send me your problems. I will solve them!
Tact is old news.
Asha
Jen,
Thank you for clarifying.
Asha
- Asha
AshaAshaAshaAsha
Lazy Monday Posts
This is the time when I just go through old emails and copy and paste some of the good stuff.
For example, the following is a letter I compiled for my friend when she got burned by a douche named Mike. and he's a Flake. hence; Flakey Mike, or "Flike".
Dear Flike,
In regards to the events that procured last weekend please note the following,
Your ethic and attitude towards Jen Hard Knoxx Cheng has been set under scrutinizing review and I, as well as your other superiors, would like to speak with you on the matter.
It has come to our attention that you have no common sense and that you are not fit to be a human being. Please feel free to punch yourself in the face as it might alleviate some of the pain that will come when we neuter you.
Should you decide to treat another woman the way you have treated our little darling please keep in mind that you will be needing a hearty dose of Novocain to handle the ball of fury we plan to throw at you.
I highly recommend locking your vehicle somewhere safe. As well as your balls you no good asshole piece of shit.
Xoxo
Asha
For example, the following is a letter I compiled for my friend when she got burned by a douche named Mike. and he's a Flake. hence; Flakey Mike, or "Flike".
Dear Flike,
In regards to the events that procured last weekend please note the following,
Your ethic and attitude towards Jen Hard Knoxx Cheng has been set under scrutinizing review and I, as well as your other superiors, would like to speak with you on the matter.
It has come to our attention that you have no common sense and that you are not fit to be a human being. Please feel free to punch yourself in the face as it might alleviate some of the pain that will come when we neuter you.
Should you decide to treat another woman the way you have treated our little darling please keep in mind that you will be needing a hearty dose of Novocain to handle the ball of fury we plan to throw at you.
I highly recommend locking your vehicle somewhere safe. As well as your balls you no good asshole piece of shit.
Xoxo
Asha
Friday, June 26, 2009
FINE we'll talk about MJ
karmap0lice said...
Dear Ask Asha Blargh,If Michael Jackson was reincarnated as an animal, what animal would it be and why?
Dear Karma,
What I actually think you're asking here is whether reincarnation actually exists. While I understand that my blog is profound and inspiring I discourage using me as your God or leader. Reincarnation is based on the religion you choose so maybe talk to your Church or Rabbi to confirm what you should believe in.
However, if MJ came back as an animal I believe he would be a Panda 'cause it don't mattah if he's black or white.
Asha
Dear Ask Asha Blargh,If Michael Jackson was reincarnated as an animal, what animal would it be and why?
Dear Karma,
What I actually think you're asking here is whether reincarnation actually exists. While I understand that my blog is profound and inspiring I discourage using me as your God or leader. Reincarnation is based on the religion you choose so maybe talk to your Church or Rabbi to confirm what you should believe in.
However, if MJ came back as an animal I believe he would be a Panda 'cause it don't mattah if he's black or white.
Asha
Friends Unlimited (FU)
JenShithead said...
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD AND ALL YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IS YOUR GLOW?You insensitive bitch.
Dear Jen,
Thank you for the constructive criticisms, I will be sure to take into account celebrity deaths next time I post something on my blog regarding my life and what affects it. Would you also like me to include blurbs regarding sports teams I don't watch and countries I've never been to? As always my readers input is appreciated, have a wonderful day.
Asha
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD AND ALL YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IS YOUR GLOW?You insensitive bitch.
Dear Jen,
Thank you for the constructive criticisms, I will be sure to take into account celebrity deaths next time I post something on my blog regarding my life and what affects it. Would you also like me to include blurbs regarding sports teams I don't watch and countries I've never been to? As always my readers input is appreciated, have a wonderful day.
Asha
The Hangover... no no not the movie.
MY hangover. Today.... so brutal, worst I've had all week.
Kidding. Totally kidding.
Was that a bad joke? I can't even tell right now.
Pieces of last night keep flickering through my head, things like swigging back 5 hour energy that we found at the dollar store which I'm sure we mixed with blueberry vodka. Hot tamales, someone had a massive ziplock bag full of them, and I'm pretty sure if I threw up right now (which I'm not counting out of todays equation just yet) it would be ripe with red hot candies.
On the up side I did shower this morning so I don't smell... yet. I just realized I forgot deodorant, I hate when I do that because just the knowledge that I'm not wearing any makes me immediately sweat (or "glow" Mum said "Girls glow, we don't sweat") so I am sitting here. glowing my ass off over the fact that I forgot deodorant.
If I rub lip gloss under my arms do you think that will stop it and mask the smell?
Maybe that's just too far, or maybe it's not.
Again... I can still barely function. It's going to be a great day.
Kidding. Totally kidding.
Was that a bad joke? I can't even tell right now.
Pieces of last night keep flickering through my head, things like swigging back 5 hour energy that we found at the dollar store which I'm sure we mixed with blueberry vodka. Hot tamales, someone had a massive ziplock bag full of them, and I'm pretty sure if I threw up right now (which I'm not counting out of todays equation just yet) it would be ripe with red hot candies.
On the up side I did shower this morning so I don't smell... yet. I just realized I forgot deodorant, I hate when I do that because just the knowledge that I'm not wearing any makes me immediately sweat (or "glow" Mum said "Girls glow, we don't sweat") so I am sitting here. glowing my ass off over the fact that I forgot deodorant.
If I rub lip gloss under my arms do you think that will stop it and mask the smell?
Maybe that's just too far, or maybe it's not.
Again... I can still barely function. It's going to be a great day.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
First Question
karmap0lice said...
Dear Ask Asha Blargh,Why don't the boys I like like me back? Should I get a boob job?
Dear Karma,
I fancy myself something of an expert on boys and boobs.
I think that the boys you like actually DO like you back, they just don't know it yet. try being naked in a room with them! you'll find yourself with so much attention you won't know what to do.
Also, yes. boob jobs help.
Asha.
Dear Ask Asha Blargh,Why don't the boys I like like me back? Should I get a boob job?
Dear Karma,
I fancy myself something of an expert on boys and boobs.
I think that the boys you like actually DO like you back, they just don't know it yet. try being naked in a room with them! you'll find yourself with so much attention you won't know what to do.
Also, yes. boob jobs help.
Asha.
First Morning
Things that happened this morning.
I picked a wedgie walking to the bus and when I turned around there was a couple behind me. Darn.
I noticed this girl on the bus every morning. She’s black, and skinny, and she has the greatest ass I’ve ever seen. No joke. I ACTUALLY imagine it naked. Because it’s just SO awesome. I’m gay.
I fell in love on the train this morning, I think this will be a regular occurrence. I was falling asleep minding my own business and he was sitting diagonally across the isle from me. Bright blue eyes, white baseball hat. Every time he moved I flinched. Just out of pure adrenaline. He took a drink from his juice and I thought “my god I love you” he coughed, I thought “my god I love you” he got up to get off the train and I thought “don’t go! I love you!” I will call him Ethan.
I think that’s about all that went down this morning. Mind you it’s only 7:28am so we have a bit more to go.
I picked a wedgie walking to the bus and when I turned around there was a couple behind me. Darn.
I noticed this girl on the bus every morning. She’s black, and skinny, and she has the greatest ass I’ve ever seen. No joke. I ACTUALLY imagine it naked. Because it’s just SO awesome. I’m gay.
I fell in love on the train this morning, I think this will be a regular occurrence. I was falling asleep minding my own business and he was sitting diagonally across the isle from me. Bright blue eyes, white baseball hat. Every time he moved I flinched. Just out of pure adrenaline. He took a drink from his juice and I thought “my god I love you” he coughed, I thought “my god I love you” he got up to get off the train and I thought “don’t go! I love you!” I will call him Ethan.
I think that’s about all that went down this morning. Mind you it’s only 7:28am so we have a bit more to go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
