This is the time when I just go through old emails and copy and paste some of the good stuff.
For example, the following is a letter I compiled for my friend when she got burned by a douche named Mike. and he's a Flake. hence; Flakey Mike, or "Flike".
Dear Flike,
In regards to the events that procured last weekend please note the following,
Your ethic and attitude towards Jen Hard Knoxx Cheng has been set under scrutinizing review and I, as well as your other superiors, would like to speak with you on the matter.
It has come to our attention that you have no common sense and that you are not fit to be a human being. Please feel free to punch yourself in the face as it might alleviate some of the pain that will come when we neuter you.
Should you decide to treat another woman the way you have treated our little darling please keep in mind that you will be needing a hearty dose of Novocain to handle the ball of fury we plan to throw at you.
I highly recommend locking your vehicle somewhere safe. As well as your balls you no good asshole piece of shit.
Xoxo
Asha
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As someone who knows many "Mike's" I feel like this letter would not be well recieved. though the Mike's I know tend not to be douche's, they do tend to be flakey. Now when you say "got burned by" is that in the metephorical sense, as in you better call the wambilance because you just got burned, or is it the literal sense in which he placed some hot embers on or near your friend.
ReplyDeleteOften I find mikes are quite good at the first "burn" and it is often quite humourous, but they are incapable of, and often fear, using fire.
In close, I wish there was less discrimination against Mikes and more admission that they are indeed better people than everyone else.
Sincerly Michael,
Dear Ask Asha Blargh,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like every guy named Mike is a flakey, overly sensitive, unsensitive brute. My question is... why are you so awesome?
Dear Ask Asha Blargh,
ReplyDeleteYou dish out some tough love in your post today. The message is rough... but you say it like it is... no sugar coating here. I like your style... knowing this Mike won't make the same mistake again!
Do you think all of the problems of the world could be resolved if we dealt with things the same way?
Nate
Just to make things clear.
ReplyDeleteHe poured gasoline on me and lit me on fire.