Dear Calgary Transit

scene;
it's 4pm on a Tuesday, I'm ready to pack it in and call 'er a day!
grab my hoodie and head for the door, it's POURING rain... what? it was sunny at 3:58, shrug it off, it's Calgary after all.
No problem! I pull out my umbrella that I carry everywhere with me!
one step outside and the wimpy thing blasts inside out. oh my.
well, at least I have a hood, so I pull that over my head and half run half slip towards the c-train platform. I make it! ALIVE!
the platform is packed, even more so than usual, first train isn't mine, it looks so dry and empty in there! so welcoming, but it's McKnight, I need Somerset.
so I let it pass, watching it go, longingly.
Next train is mine! it's pretty full already, add the people on the platform and it's like I apparated to China transit, but the lovely driver announces that there's another train right behind him that's TOTALLY EMPTY!
well! that settles it! I get off and I'll wait a minute.
so the next train comes... it's not empty. not even a little bit empty! that lying bastard!
Well I can't wait any longer or I'll miss my adjoining bus.
So I squish on, I end up right next to a sweet looking nurse (I can tell she's a nurse 'cause she's wearing nurse grubs, or whatever their called)
well, the sun is out, and now it's unusually warm in the train, plus everyone is wet from the downpour, so it's humid too, which works wonders on my sinus cold. All of a sudden my nose starts to tingle... I can feel it start to run.
I grab the handy tissue that I put in my pocket earlier just in case.
It turns out one tissue was no match for the waterfall freeing itself from my nose...
and of course the nurse is not fooled, I'm obviously sick, nurses know! they ALWAYS KNOW!!!
trying really hard not to drip on her we're nearly at my stop... just as I start to get excited about getting off the train the unthinkable happens!!! I'm struck with the intense need to sneeze.
Now friends, if I sneeze no less than 10 people in my immediate vicinity will be showered with nose water and germs. I have one hand on the bar and one hand holding my purse, no blockage in sight!! so I scrunch my face up as hard as I can, almost blinking out my left contact lens. I'm sure I look amazingly sexy.
FREEDOM! my stop! I shove a little old lady out of my way as I gasp for air.
Now off the train I sniff, because I'm out of tissue. The loudest most disgusting sniffle of all time. it's a crowd stopper.
Off I hurry to catch my bus!
only to discover...glory Hallelujah!!! I've missed all 3 possible buses!
So I stand back and wait, while waiting in the nice warm sun I'm approached by what I can only imagine to be 2 homeless people, they do not speak to me, they mearly stand within my personal bubble and begin to kiss. Then they start to ravish each other!
I step back, somewhat disgusted. I step directly on an old milk carton, discarded, half full, in the hot summer sun.
It explodes all over my shoes and tights. sour milk.
yum.
oh look! the bus is here!
I am lucky enough to get a seat! right next to 3 of the nerdiest boys I've ever seen, don't get me wrong, I love nerds! I AM a nerd. But these ones smell... their body odor is so intense that I actually miss the single smell of sour milk.
These boys seem to have just purchased what look like metal claws that hook to your finger! excitement! they spend the time scratching each other with their metal fingers and shrieking at each other, which I can only imagine is what they think dragons must sound like?
Oh look! an open seat! away from the smell!
I plop down next to a sweet looking girl and her 1 year old son.
The son takes one look at me and starts to HOWL. He hates me. he hates me more than pain. More than starvation.
I stand back up, run to the front of the bus and wait for my stop, far away from anything and anyone.
When the doors open I practically tumble out into the sun, excited that I don't have to go through that again for 14 hours.

Nerves at 25?

Do I still get nervous? Really?
Apparently the answer is yes, I do.
I had lunch today in the lunch room, which I never do, being the secluded type, you know me...
I prefer no human contact and therefore sit at my desk during lunches and read tfln.com even though I know them all off by heart.
Today I was dragged kicking and screaming away from my safe haven by lifes evil temptress "Shopping", also accompanying L.E.T. was our fab HR girl Keagan. Hence my attempts at a social life through work.
After the shopping however, that's where it just gets awkward...
Keagan sits in the lunch room at lunch time, she is sociable and easy to talk to, everyone knows Keagan. No one Knows me, I like to think I'm the elusive and mysterious pretty girl that works in trucking that no one knows anything about...
I single handedly managed to rid myself of this made up fable in a less than half hour period of time.
I was awkwardly sitting in this HUGE chair and I could barely reach my food. There was no room on the one side of the table so I got stuck facing everyone… alone… my hands were shaking as I was trying to eat. I barely said 2 words, Keagan could tell I was nervous as hell. I had nothing to say, I barely made eye contact with anyone. I tried to leave at 12:30 but I couldn’t think of a valid excuse, so I just sat there awkwardly, not eating because I was just too nervous to eat. You think it would have been cute, but I just feel dumb. They were talking about Vegas, I’ve never been, so I just sat there and looked at the wall because the TV was behind me.
It was magic. The entire thing made me feel like I should learn exactly what dungeons and dragons really means.

Answers for Anne

I am horribly disappointed I haven't given you quote worthy advice. Also, mmm... purple popsicles! Also, also - if you ask Bill Gates for money, could you maybe put a P.S. at the end of your letter that mentions Anne Baxter?Okay - time for a question.Dear Ask Asha Blargh,Last night I had a dream that I was bitten by a werewolf and I was concerned that my vampire lover would no longer want me. Also, I was in a really bad mood at one point and was going to eat a large brownie with icing on it and my mom gave me a look and I got mad and threw the brownie away. What do you think this means? Also, have any weird dreams lately you'd care to share?

Dear Karma,
you HAVE given me quote worthy advice!
Things like;
" My God you're brilliant and pretty"
"I like the freckle on my lip"
"let's eat"
"ooohhhhh being drunk is good!"
these are all very useful tips in my life!

As far as your dream goes, from what I've read vampires don't really like the smell of werewolves, so I think you're effed. Go for Jacob, he's a stud! Edward's kind of gay.

Was this brownie fiasco a dream? or real life? because the one episode of sex and the city that I caught some girl ate some of a brownie, threw it out, then picked it up out of the garbage and ate more. Then she poured dishwasher soap on it so she wouldn't take it out again. You sound better off than her, I'd say all you really need to overcome your issue is a house hippo, those bring endless joy.

I haven't really remembered my dreams as of late, except one, although it's not something I'd normally share....
So in my dream there's this dude... (there's always a dude) and he was TOTALLY going to KISS me! omg. right?
so I lean in for the kiss... and then I drool on him. He looks up, shocked, and I wake up and realize I just drooled all over my pillow.
Feeling like a total winner I roll over and try to recapture the dream, didn't even flip my pillow, that's what hair is for, covering up...

Case of the Mondays

I have a case of the Mondays. Maybe I should look into working construction or embezzling millions of dollars from Bill Gates.
Do you think that if I wrote Bill a letter explaining that I would like a little bit of money because I need it he would respond with a personalised cheque? Maybe it's woth a shot...
Sometimes I feel like Mondays are an extended hangover of the weekend, even if I didn't drink at all, I just feel bummed and blue, maybe gray, not blue.
I have things to look forward to though! so let us all focus on those.
Tonight I'm meeting all the people that I will be houseboating with on the 21st. Tomorrow I have a date with my friend Kat! we will most likely go to east side Marios because it's got delicious calamari. Wednesday is beer and tacos Wed! so I took Hungover Thursday off of work. Thursday night is the Kings of Leon concert!!!! floor seats. Palabra. Then it's Friday, and although I have no solid plans I'm sure something (or someone) will come up. Haha.
So it's really not so bad. Some advice people gave me over the years;
"Nothing good ever happens when you're down" - Gstar
"If you're bored it's because you're a boring person" - Ken can'trememberhislastname
"If you look for the bad in people, you'll surely find it" - Pollyanna (via Hayley Mills)
"Happiness is only one purple Popsicle away" - Me

I'm going to buy me a purple Popsicle on the way home today, I'll probably eat candy for dinner just 'cause I can, and laugh at a friends rerun. Stoked on getting pumped.

Fall in Summer

Well! I think that sometimes you can combine one fruit and one vegetable into a single dish and it might be delicious! Normally I like to keep mine separate, I'm one of those people who need everything on their plate separated, if my rice is touching my salad... I get the heebee jeebees just thinking about it.
There are exceptions however! such as cold cucumbers on pepperoni pizza! in this case the pizza would act as the fruit.
or, frozen blueberries and cream! the cream being the vegetable.
Also a delicious treat; celery and peanut butter!
All in all I believe I've proven my point.

Now readers I would like to pose a question to you!
If you could be a super hero what would your super spandex colours be and why?
I myself would pick yellow and green and maybe some purple for the A emblem. because I love yellow, and green AND purple. yup.