Dear Calgary Transit

scene;
it's 4pm on a Tuesday, I'm ready to pack it in and call 'er a day!
grab my hoodie and head for the door, it's POURING rain... what? it was sunny at 3:58, shrug it off, it's Calgary after all.
No problem! I pull out my umbrella that I carry everywhere with me!
one step outside and the wimpy thing blasts inside out. oh my.
well, at least I have a hood, so I pull that over my head and half run half slip towards the c-train platform. I make it! ALIVE!
the platform is packed, even more so than usual, first train isn't mine, it looks so dry and empty in there! so welcoming, but it's McKnight, I need Somerset.
so I let it pass, watching it go, longingly.
Next train is mine! it's pretty full already, add the people on the platform and it's like I apparated to China transit, but the lovely driver announces that there's another train right behind him that's TOTALLY EMPTY!
well! that settles it! I get off and I'll wait a minute.
so the next train comes... it's not empty. not even a little bit empty! that lying bastard!
Well I can't wait any longer or I'll miss my adjoining bus.
So I squish on, I end up right next to a sweet looking nurse (I can tell she's a nurse 'cause she's wearing nurse grubs, or whatever their called)
well, the sun is out, and now it's unusually warm in the train, plus everyone is wet from the downpour, so it's humid too, which works wonders on my sinus cold. All of a sudden my nose starts to tingle... I can feel it start to run.
I grab the handy tissue that I put in my pocket earlier just in case.
It turns out one tissue was no match for the waterfall freeing itself from my nose...
and of course the nurse is not fooled, I'm obviously sick, nurses know! they ALWAYS KNOW!!!
trying really hard not to drip on her we're nearly at my stop... just as I start to get excited about getting off the train the unthinkable happens!!! I'm struck with the intense need to sneeze.
Now friends, if I sneeze no less than 10 people in my immediate vicinity will be showered with nose water and germs. I have one hand on the bar and one hand holding my purse, no blockage in sight!! so I scrunch my face up as hard as I can, almost blinking out my left contact lens. I'm sure I look amazingly sexy.
FREEDOM! my stop! I shove a little old lady out of my way as I gasp for air.
Now off the train I sniff, because I'm out of tissue. The loudest most disgusting sniffle of all time. it's a crowd stopper.
Off I hurry to catch my bus!
only to discover...glory Hallelujah!!! I've missed all 3 possible buses!
So I stand back and wait, while waiting in the nice warm sun I'm approached by what I can only imagine to be 2 homeless people, they do not speak to me, they mearly stand within my personal bubble and begin to kiss. Then they start to ravish each other!
I step back, somewhat disgusted. I step directly on an old milk carton, discarded, half full, in the hot summer sun.
It explodes all over my shoes and tights. sour milk.
yum.
oh look! the bus is here!
I am lucky enough to get a seat! right next to 3 of the nerdiest boys I've ever seen, don't get me wrong, I love nerds! I AM a nerd. But these ones smell... their body odor is so intense that I actually miss the single smell of sour milk.
These boys seem to have just purchased what look like metal claws that hook to your finger! excitement! they spend the time scratching each other with their metal fingers and shrieking at each other, which I can only imagine is what they think dragons must sound like?
Oh look! an open seat! away from the smell!
I plop down next to a sweet looking girl and her 1 year old son.
The son takes one look at me and starts to HOWL. He hates me. he hates me more than pain. More than starvation.
I stand back up, run to the front of the bus and wait for my stop, far away from anything and anyone.
When the doors open I practically tumble out into the sun, excited that I don't have to go through that again for 14 hours.